You are the Sky

“You are the sky. Everything else – it’s just the weather.”

-Pema Chodron

I love this quote. And I love Pema Chodron. She represents a way of thinking and existing that I see as so whole and real. She so fully accepts the change that flies at her and the transitions that go hand in hand with life. Though I am working every day to let it go, I’ve historically been a bit of an over thinker. I’ve spent ages churning things over in my head, trying to find new angles, possible flaws and exceptions, or the occasional out. I am fascinated by how logic and self awareness work in a situation. And over the past year I’ve finally grasped that they usually...just... don’t. I’m a slow learner.

Some transitions create angst that is poignant enough to render one tossing and turning all night. I’ve been there, that unwelcome position where morning brings the relief that you’re no longer entirely alone with your own thoughts; only to dump you into the shambles of living in the undesirable place you mulled over all night. The hand that’s dealt can bring pain and change that even the light of day can’t soothe. Change is both inevitable and temporary, and no sooner do you get used to a new way of life before you have to steel yourself to prepare for the next shift.

However, I believe sleep to be the great equalizer. For me, if I am hungry, cold, or tired then you should just leave me alone. Especially if I’m, well, …any of them. You’ve been warned. Despite the occasional nights where you find yourself staring at the ceiling, most mornings do bring a fresh and bright perspective. They allow a new net to be cast over what is urgent, what is cause for optimism, and what you should have never started to fret over in the first place. When I mention that last one I am definitely referring to the way MSU basketball losses used to keep me up at night. Funny cause it’s true? True fan, brah?

The transitions that a new morning, or any life change, create are an opportunity for renewed joy. Don’t get me wrong, it's still hard as all hell. This is a topic that will undoubtedly be revisited and delved into far more than this mere gloss over, but I am currently working to dust off the writing cobwebs in my brain. But how can you choose to be an optimist and harness the opportunity in your new chapter? How can you realize that you can be as steadfast as the sky while everything else swirls around you? Because sure as the weather, the next moment of change is inevitable. I’ll avoid going into some manifesto about yoga…for now.

Someone told me once that people remained in situations for too long because they failed to press the refresh button. It's so easy to be lulled into the comfort of a known entity and to overlook red flags. We cling to the familiar, even if it clearly no longer fits us. Stop focusing on what was and start focusing on what will be. During upheavel and transition, where can you still find a comforting joy in the small moments of familiarity? Moments that will hopefully soon become more frequent. I know that all I’ve wanted to see over the past three weeks in San Francisco is a friendly face, even if that void has started to be filled by the man who serves me the grilled cheeses that I seriously need to stop buying for lunch. However, one of the reasons I’ve not stopped is that every time I go in there he’s so kind to me, chats with me, and even brings me my sandwich, rather than calling my name to the counter.

Transitions are messy, grueling, and sometimes just plain miserable. It can be immensely hard to not burrow down into the sand and lose sight of why you set off in the first place. Plus, often that initial goal we hope to achieve isn't one that's short term and when your boat is rocking amidst the waves, it can be hard to keep sight of the lighthouse beckoning you in. But the opportunities to see something different, meet someone unlike you, or learn a new skill are beautiful. So let’s be nothing but grateful for the familiar, excited about the unknown, and also remember that when it’s time for that next inevitable transition, walk into it with open arms, keep your head up, and know that your grilled cheese moments will become more and more frequent.

Questions for Ashley, by Frannie. And then the Opposite.

We're here! We're back! And we really needed to wade in slowly. Since all two of you reading this might not know both of us, we've created a brief primer about the real main points of our personalities, especially the bellybutton question. Enjoy?

Take it, Ash...

1. What’s your favorite childhood memory?

How long are we assuming that childhood lasted? I’m just asking because I had the innocence of an 8 year old until I hit my 20s… I have several, all that involve swimming or dancing or both.

2. What was the worst advice you ever gave?

Anything I ever said to a single girlfriend who was on the dating scene while I was in a relationship. I’m sorry, ladies. Deeply sorry.

3. If you could go bowling with any three people, living or dead, who would they be?

Louis CK, Jebus, and Cleopatra. Louis would make it hilarious, *Jesus would presumable solve all of the mysteries including where Amelia Earhart ended up, and Cleopatra can teach me about eyeliner and ruling the world.

*Not to assume one faith affiliation over another, but Jesus seems like the type of religious figure who wouldn’t mind bowling and who would give the most direct answers. Buddy Jesus, Jesus.

4. If you could have a condiment dispensed from your belly button, what would it be?

Nutella. Obviously. (That’s a breakfast condiment.)

5. What’s your dream job?

Expanding and scaling operations for a non-profit into developing markets. Opportunities, people! Or, if I can be lazy about it, drinking coffee and beer in various countries for however long it takes me to learn the local language. I like to chat.

6. What is something that brings you profound joy?

Hats.

Just kidding. Dancing like a maniac. I thought I was pretty decent at this until a friend in Hong Kong identified “my” dance as a leprechaun jig. I guess that sometimes I feel REALLY excited about a song.

7. What do you love most about humans?

Our capacity for hope.

8. Favorite movie?

You know that I hate this question! Um… eenie meenie miney…The Princess Bride.

9. If you were going to perform in the circus, what would be your act?

Based on a current or fantasy talent? Trapeze. Remember how good I am at swings? I’d say decent to pretty good.

10. When’s the last time you cried and why?

Not counting the last set of TV commercials or an amazing episode of shows I’m too embarrassed to admit that I watch…

Of happiness: when I saw Patrick in the airport in Frankfurt a week after he returned from Afghanistan.

Of frustration: Well, let’s just say that I’m not a big crier when it comes to bad things, unless you can preface it with “nerd alert!” I think it might have been after an MBA exam that I failed because I couldn’t translate half of the questions.

11. What takes you out of your comfort zone?

Negotiating in Asian markets. Those ladies kill me every time.

12. Give your top three adjectives that describe Lil Wayne.

I’ll leave this to you, Frannie. I don’t know if my responses will be epic enough for your taste.

Your turn, Franners...

1.  Tell us about your most competitive moment.

I feel like this was a bit of answer baiting. For entertainment’s sake, lets say the Chipotle Burrito Challenge. When, in 2011 in the middle of Rock Creek Park in DC and it was 100 degrees out, I ate three Chipotle burritos in 15 minutes to win the "coveted" burrito belt.  The asterisk next to all of this is that they were meat burritos and I’m a vegetarian. The unnecessary commentary with all of this is that it's effing disgusting. 

2. If you could only eat one country’s cuisine for the rest of your life, which one would it be and why?

      Mediterranean. A wise friend answered with this recently and I thought it was brilliant. Plus they’re pretty down with meatlessness. Had you said “continent” it would have been Asia. Those folks can cook a delicious meal. Oh, wait! Do any continents eat just cheese?

3.  What’s the last choreographed dance routine that you learned?

While not exactly “dance” I believe it was the cyzygy PT routine I had to learn during City Year in 2006. I say, “had to” but I really not-so-secretly loved it.  Prior to that it was the dance that my friend Jack and I made to the Britney Spears song, “Everytime” back in college. We wondered why people hated us.

4. What would you do with $500 million in powerball winnings?

Atlantic City, baby! Cause YOLO.

Oof, all kidding aside, this is hard. Aside from all the obvious answers about my kids’ college funds, I’d start some sort of foundation for women’s healthcare and education. And Africa. And yoga. Maybe those would all go into one.  I just know I want to make sustainable changes in healthcare access for people who otherwise wouldn’t have it. I want to improve lives. 

      5.  What was your favorite childhood toy?

I loved my American Girl dolls. I had a creepy fascination with olden times and spent many years dressed in period clothing. I also recall being really into maps and flags, so much so that my parents bought me poster boards and I just free handed maps onto those suckers. 

...It’s maybe time to admit that we were both pretty nerdy and awkward kids. 

      6.  If you could lick any actor/actress, who would it be?

Beyonce. I don’t even think she’s my type, I normally prefer folks who are out there to kick ass in the athletic world. Is it wrong that I can’t even think of a guy I’m interested in? Or is it that I can think of too many? Da dumm chaaaa. This question would exist in a document as such between the two of us.

      7.  Beach or mountains, assuming you can never return to Michigan?

If it’s not my beloved Lake Michigan, I think mountains. I love me some water but running up a mountain with altitude is bad ass and well, see question six. Plus, Denver captured my heart. I'm trying, San Francisco, I am. 

8. What’s the coolest most significant human interaction that you have ever witnessed?

When I was living in Uganda I saw a boy get stoned for his food. That’s right, other kids at the orphanage where I was living pelted him with stones until he gave them what served as his dinner. It profoundly shaped my view of what I’ve been given in life. His picture from the infirmary is below.

But, and forgive me for expounding and sounding so hokey, I am moved to tears on a near daily basis by human interaction. It’s so rich and layered and meaningful. People have the capacity for such a range, from selflessness to overt cruelty. More on that later.

      9.  Paper or apps for notes/to dos?

My memory. Boom. I think it drives my mom nuts that she tells me to write stuff down and I brush the advice aside every time.  Sorry, Lucy. When I stop remembering like a creep, I'll consider an app. 

      10.  What takes you out of your comfort zone?

I’m really not sure. I was wicked shy growing up but then somewhere along the way I lost my inhibitions. I also think that moving around a lot forces one to have a wider comfort zone. I’m very uncomfortable in passive aggressive situations. Just be straight with me.

      11.  Write a haiku.

I’m back in Cali

            Rainbow flags and hugs for all

            San Francisco sun?

    …I’m cringing. Hard. 

      12.  Thoughts on Lil Wayne. (Space limited to 140 characters.)

Look, guys, he’s just a brilliant lyricist. This isn’t a physical attraction, it’s a deep soul connection. Three points: 1. Who amongst us hasn’t wanted misunderstood tattooed on their face at one time or another; 2. I used the quote, “Just to go into it doesn’t amount to going through it” in a job interview once. It may or may not be my current position; 3. My infatuation is obviously a little tongue in cheek but I do think he’s a helluva wordsmith.